Today the Lord has gently reminded me that my vision has become a bit blurry again.  This time it’s not my physical eyes, but my spiritual eyes.  You know when you focus your eyes on one thing too long, your peripheral visions blurs? Well that is kind of what has happened to me.

Three separate situations came across my path today, and they each made me look outside my own little world.  The first was a conversation I had with my doctor.  We were talking about medical missions trips, and just how challenging it is to come back to America after witnessing such patience, joy, and gratitude amongst such difficult conditions.  It was a reminder to me that my call to the needy is not complete. Secondly, someone posted a comment about being speechless after watching a late night show.  Of course, curiosity set in and I watched it.  Beyond mere confusion, I was reminded of how our culture has become increasingly comfortable with worldly pleasure.  The third situation  is a friend of mine going through a difficult situation.  I feel so powerless to help her.  I want to take away the pain and uncertainty she is facing, but all I can truly offer are my prayers and words of encouragement.

All of these situations challenged me to see differently today, and to look beyond my own little world to see the struggles that surround me.  I confess.  I, too often and too quickly,  get caught up in my own world.  I see what I want to see.  But everyday God gives me opportunities to widen my focus and see more clearly.

Ironically, I’m finally getting to fulfill a dream of having my physical eyes fixed so that I no longer need contacts and glasses.  (Yay for the technological advances of Lasik)!  I’m giddy about the idea of actually being able to see the clock in the middle of the night.  Unfortunately, it is only a physical fix.  Just as I’ve grown accustomed to depending on my contacts for visual accuracy, I want to become dependent on God for spiritual clarity.  I want to change the way I see.

I love it when God sends reminders of His promises. One of the disadvantages of having your kids so close, is that you can’t just use the crib you had for the first.  I picked out a crib for this baby, which by the way is a little more masculine then Savannah’s.  I found one that I liked at a specialty store, but of course it was so expensive. Then I found one at Babies R Us, that looked almost the same as the expensive one.  It’s the Jardine Claremont black crib-I liked that it will be a bed that will truly grow with him.  The pricetag was still more than I wanted to spend, so I had determined that if we couldn’t get it, then I would buy a used crib and paint it black. Today, as I was creeping through my muck and looking for the silver lining, I decided to check out craiglist.  A woman had just listed the exact crib that I was wanting, for $150 less than it sells for right now.  On top of all that, it is brand new and still in the box.  I instantly contacted the lady and found out that she had a recalled crib (that she no longer needed) and was given a voucher for a crib at Babies R’Us.  She went to the store and picked this crib out, and figured she would make a little money and help someone get a crib for a bit cheaper.  She purchased the crib, but the store didn’t have any in stock, so she hasn’t even picked it up at the store yet.  I am getting the crib that I want for almost 1/2 the cost, and I don’t have to worry about the challenges of getting a used crib.

All this to say, it’s not about the crib, but the Lord was telling me how He truly is taking care of things.  No it didn’t solve all my problems, but it was a reminder that all the solutions to my problems can be found in Him.

I had one of those mornings that just didn’t start out right.  It started out overly emotional at 4am.  I couldn’t sleep.  My mind was racing with worries and anxieties, some of which were warranted and others were not.  I finally succummbed to my wakefulness and got out of bed.  After perusing the computer for a bit, I knew I was up for prayer.  Life has felt a bit stressful lately.  There is not ‘one’ thing to blame it on, but it is definitely a culmination of things.  My husband would say that this year has been the hardest so far.  If I had to be honest, the “life is hard” stage probably started in 2006. It was that year that we began earnestly trying to have a baby and in the process lost two.  All the while, I was working a job that was incredibly taxing emotionally (I worked at the fertility clinic that I was being treated at), and it consumed my life. It was also that year that my husband had left his steady paycheck job to embark on starting a business, leaving me the primary breadwinner for a while.  We were also planning our move to Nashville, which involved uprooting our lives in Orlando.  Then came 2007, it was definitely a blessed year, but it didn’t come without its hardships. We moved, I became a homemaker (thus shifting all the financial stress to my husband), built a house, had a complicated pregnancy with a premature delivery, and became a mom.  Again, I must stress that this was one of the most blessed years of my life, but it didn’t come easy.  I was hopeful that the year 2008 would be settling and peaceful.

It is September already, and I feel as if I’m still fighting for that peace. I’m realizing that part of my problem is that I’ve allowed my circumstances to determine my level of peace.  I listened to a friend the other night say how easy it is to have faith when things are easy and are looking good.  Then life hit hard, and now his faith and trust are being tested.  This was such a reminder to me that God is more concerned with my character than He is with my circumstances.  It is through circumstances that He is shaping my character.

I tend to feel the pain and stress of those around me.  My heart breaks with them and I just want to make it all better. However, it’s not in my power to do so.  Because I feel powerless to help, I tend to not push in and suppress any emotions that I may be having. I recognize that this isn’t healthy or helpful.  I’m learning.  I know that the circumstances described above are not unique nor are they dramatic, but they are the circumstances of my life.

One of my favorite life verses is Romans 5:3-5

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Through it all I’m learning how dearly God loves me!

First of all, diapers do have a capacity limit.  I knew this must be true, but I didn’t really know where that marker was.  Surprisingly, we haven’t had any wet diaper leaks.  (Don’t worry, we had our share of nursing blowouts).  When Savannah wakes up, it takes her a little while to embrace the day.  If we go to change her diaper immediately upon awakening, it usually isn’t a pleasant experience for anyone.  So we have gotten in the habit of waking, then cup of milk with some cuddle time, then diaper change. On Friday, our routine was no different. After cuddle time, I sat her down to let the dogs out.  When I came back and picked her up,  I found her literally sitting in a puddle.  This was not a ‘leak’, this was a diaper that had hit max capacity and was overflowing through and through. Needless to say, from now on, I think we will be a bit quicker to get to that morning diaper change.

This week I found a yoga class at the gym that I liked.  I decided that we would hit the gym before mom’s group.  I drop Savannah off at her class.  She loves her teacher by the way.  She actually reached for her when we walked up to the door.  I head to my class, walk in, and notice that instead of yoga mats, everyone is setting up for step class.  I step out and look at the schedule posted on the wall.  I had mis-read the schedule, and the class I was wanting to go to was not on Friday’s.  No big deal,  I’ll just take a step class, except…..I have flip flops on. Then I think, well, I could walk on the treadmill…no, not in flip flops.  I could?????? Ahhhh, do upper body lifting.  So instead of my greatly anticipated yoga class, I lifted weights in my flip flops.  I’m pretty sure that I was the only one in the gym wearing flip flops. I’m sure some people noticed, but thankfully, I’m getting better and better about not caring what or how I look in the gym. The lesson here is….even if you are going to yoga class, go ahead and wear your tennis shoes (just in case).

I watched the Saddleback civic forum with both candidates given the same questions.  This is my kind of information because it’s truly “out of the horse’s mouth”.  I must say that McCain answered the questions directly and it showed his character in a way that I admired.  Obama surprisingly fumbled and gave many vague answers, and I didn’t feel like I was given a glimpse of who he was as a person.

I try to look at all the issues and not harp on just one issue.  However, the issue of abortion is near and dear to me.  I believe that life begins at conception, and with the help of technological advances infants are considered viable earlier and earlier.  Because our country has valued a woman’s choice over a child’s life, we have created a culture that allows a woman to kill her baby because she doesn’t want it.  If you take two babies of the same gestational age, one could be born and life saving measures be given and the other could literally be put in a trashbag left to die.  So how do we decide which baby lives and which baby dies?  Oh we let the mom who doesn’t want a baby decide.

A friend of mine, MommyZabs, has a great post about Obama and also has videos to support it.  I encourage you to watch it.  Make your own decision.  Do we really want someone to lead our country who wants to let living babies die in trashcans?

I know, I know! I have taken a sabbatical from writing. It wasn’t really intentional, but there are so many things I think about blogging, and then I just never do it. So I thought that I would start back with this random thought about a movie. Maybe next time I sit down to write, I won’t be bogged down with all that I had hoped to write, and just write.

As for the pregnancy, everything is going well. We are 16 weeks now! The nausea has subsided, except for the occasional strong smell that can take me over the edge. The fatigue seems to have improved, although I still feel like a nap is welcomed almost everyday. The migraines though, are now annoying. They aren’t as severe, but I will admit that I’m just tired of them. Hopefully, they will just go away! Other than that, things are going well. Savannah is one now! I promise to post some pics soon.

!). The Rules: Answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four others.

1. Where is your cell phone? diaper bag
2. Your significant other? amazing
3. Your hair? neglected
4. Your mother? compassionate
5. Your father? sacrificial
6. Your favorite thing? kisses
7. Your dream last night? forgettable
8 Your favorite drink? iced caramel macchiato
9. Your dream/goal? family
10. The room you’re in? hotel
11. Your hobby? scrapbooking
12. Your fear? missing
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? life
14. What you’re not? defeated
15. Muffins? Blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? china hutch
17. Where you grew up? Texas
18. The last thing you did? ilios noché
19. What are you wearing? Lovely
20. Favorite gadget? Mac
21. Your pets? dogs
22. Your computer? organizing
23. Your mood? tired
24. Missing someone? yes
25. Your car? me
26. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
27. Favorite store? Hobby Lobby
28. Like someone? definitely
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? Wednesday

If you are interested, consider yourself tagged!