We called Britt’knee and after gathering as much information as we could, we began the adoption process of a 2 year old girl named Elizabeth.  Britt’knee was a teenager herself, and said that she was diagnosed with leukemia.  This is why she said she needed to find a permanent home for her daughter.  We completed our home study, we talked with lawyers, and in the meantime decided that we would try one more infertility treatment.  Thankfully we got pregnant with our miracle Savannah.  But we still held out hope for Elizabeth.   We went and visited Britt’knee twice.  Each time we asked to meet Elizabeth, but for various reasons we were never able to meet her.  I held onto the pictures that I was given, and my heart ached for this little girl. Through MANY conversations with Britt’knee, it seemed apparent that both Britt’knee and Elizabeth needed stability.  We offered our home, and prepared it for their arrival.  I bought clothes, bedding, toys…I wanted to be as ready as I could be for an almost 3 year old.  Britt’knee said she would move here, and then last minute, she decided to go live with her sister instead.  It was then that I began to accept the fact that Britt’knee didn’t really want to give her daughter up.  I accepted it and moved on.

By this time, Savannah was in my arms, so it was a little easier to accept that Elizabeth wasn’t meant to be part of our family. It was still difficult though.  I had fallen in love with this little girl, but I trusted that God had a plan for her as well.

Britt’knee’s story sounded like a stretch and never really lined up.  I had confronted her several times, but it always ended with her shutting down.  I knew that Britt’knee wasn’t telling the whole truth, but I held onto the fact that no matter what reasons Britt’knee would give, if she had a daughter that needed a home, then I was willing to put faith in the situation for Elizabeth’s sake. Britt’knee never asked us for anything, so it was hard to believe that she had anything to gain from the situation except a home for her daughter.

Fast forward 3 years, and Britt’knee comes back in the picture.  Again, she is asking us to adopt her daughter.  We were much more cautious this time around.  I asked for a birth certificate before we proceeded with anything.  We contacted a lawyer in her hometown to help facilitate the situation as a third party.   Then an angel came into the picture.  For the first time in three years I had contact with someone who interacted with Britt’knee in person.  As Elisa and I continued to ask questions, we found ourselves with fewer and fewer answers.  We determined that together we needed to get to the bottom of this.

Elisa was on the frontline with Britt’knee, and I was behind the scenes researching and gathering information.  We determined that we had to have a birth certificate to verify that Britt’knee actually had a daughter.  We had the form ready and filled out for Britt’knee to request an official birth certificate.  Britt’knee insisted that she already had one that would work.  Then I decided to call the school that Britt’knee had told me Elizabeth was attending.  I spoke with the guidance counselor, who obviously wasn’t allowed to give me information about kids attending her school.  When she heard my story, she was able to verify that there was no child with that name in the entire school district.  Then I called the state birth certificate office and spoke with the adoption specialist.  She also couldn’t give out information, however, she was able to confirm that there wasn’t a child named Elizabeth born on the birthdate we were given.

The story gets much more sorted and unbelievable, but I was determined to get the proof I needed to confront Britt’knee.  After further investigation and random calls and e-mails to strangers, I finally found the truth I had been looking for. Britt’knee was lying about everything.  By now, her church was involved, so I passed the information I had found, so that they could deal with it appropriately.

The church leadership had asked Britt’knee to make a public apology, and coincidentally, we were going to be vacationing just an hour away the same week.  So I left Kyle and the kids and drove an hour away to come face to face with Britt’knee.  The drive to this small town was a divine appointment.  As I drove, I remembered it all-the conversations, the trips, the gifts, the hopes, the tears, and ultimately the dream that Elizabeth would be part of our family. I realized that I wasn’t just lied to, I was conned. Once I accepted that, I began the process of letting it all go.

I arrived at the church and tried to not see Britt’knee.  Ironically, I didn’t want to make things harder for her while she was preparing to make a public apology. She stood up in front of the congregation and apologized for lying to everyone.  The pastor had several women pray with Britt’knee afterwards, and it was then that I felt the Holy Spirit tell me it was time to make my presence known.  I walked to the front of the church and waited until Britt’knee opened her eyes.  Needless to say, I think she was surprised to see me there.  She told me she was sorry. God gave me a chance to face the situation.  I had a choice to either confront her or forgive her.  I could have vented my feelings, frustrations, and opinions and then judged whether or not Britt’knee was truly repentant or not, but that wasn’t why God had brought me to this point.   I hugged her and told her that I hoped that she meant it and then I then forgave her.

I was able to talk with her after the service, but by then, I knew my purpose for coming was completed.   I have learned a lot through all of this, and my journey to confront Britt’knee was no different.  Forgiveness is a choice and it isn’t dependent on how sorry or repentant a person is.  God calls us to forgive because we have been forgiven, not because someone is repentant.  Granted if someone isn’t repentant, then that may come with new boundaries in the relationship, but all in all, forgiveness is our choice to give.  It really is true…the truth sets us free!  Now I’m truly free from the entire situation.  I may never know why God had us walk through all of that, or why I didn’t discover the truth earlier, but I do know this–God had my back through it all.

Several times I’ve tried to define the relationship with my blog.  Will I be a nurse blog? Maybe a mommy blog?  Should I review products?  In the end, I realize that I’m no MckMama, or Pioneer Woman, or Bring the Rain, or NieNie—(all blogs that I’ve been inspired by in more ways than one), but all I am is me. It’s that simple.  I’ve worried far too long about who is reading this, trying to get people to read this, or what people really think about it.   Ironically, it’s similar to real life–the desire to be popular, understood, and known often taint the true version of ourselves.   I make no promises about the direction or the frequency of this blog, but I promise this–my blog will be a reflection of me.  So here’s to new beginnings!

(Unfortunately it’s in 6 parts).

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

About Last night Larry shares his thoughts about the interview.

I think it is interesting when people say they wish they believed.

One of the blogs that I follow is in the process of launching this website. Check it out, I already found several cool websites-and it’s just starting!

http://www.sk-rt.com/

At first I was disappointed, but I know that it is only my expectations of having a “normal” delivery. As long as my baby girl is healthy, then I am happy. After going through all of this infertility, I have long since given up the ideal of “natural” and “normal”. Thankfully, I am well aware of the risks and the benefits of C-section, so I’m choosing to focus on the benefits (and there are some). I would much prefer to know that I’m having a c-section, than to go into labor and still end up with one. I hear that labor is overrated anyway.

Then I got home and did a little more research, all to find that I’m basically one step away from bedrest. No more traveling, no more exercising, and no more heavy housework (not that I did a lot of that anyway Now my biggest concern is keeping her in there as long as possible. As for prayer requests, please pray that there won’t be any bleeding, if so then I end up in the hospital and end up on bedrest, but most of all pray that our little girl continues to grow and develop just the way she is supposed to and at least makes it to 36 weeks.

The best news though, is I thought it would be at least 12 weeks before I would see her beautiful face, and not it’s only going to be 9-10. Wow! It will be here before we know it!

2. Do you listen to music? a certain kind? All time favorites?
YES I listen to music! I really enjoy music. I have always loved an eclectic variety from classical to rock. Currently I love worship music, and artists like Corrine Bailey Rae, Michael Buble, the Fray, you get the idea.

3. Do you have myspace or facebook?
I have both, but haven’t really gotten into facebook yet. I initially got into Myspace in an effort to communicate with Britt’Knee, but have found it to be a great way to keep up with distant friends.

4. Is your interent dial up, cable, DSL? Wireless, Laptop, Desktop? Mac? PC?
Cable, wireless, mac laptop

5. Do you have an ipod? Other MP3 player.
Yes, funny story. Christmas before last, Kyle really wanted a video ipod. So being the thoughtful wife, I bought him one (early because I didn’t want them to be out) and even had it engraved. At the time, Kyle was working at Relevant and the staff had a door decorating competition themed Christmas movies, and the prize was a video ipod. Of course, Kyle didn’t know that he already had one, so he was pretty enthusiastic about decorating the door and really trying to win. I had to be enthusiastic too, because I didn’t want him to suspect that he already had one. We went all out and worked very hard to hopefully win. Everyone at Relevant is pretty creative, so I thought that our chances weren’t that great. Needless to say, he won the door contest. We went home and I handed him his Christmas gift, he was so suprised! In the end, I won-so all our hard work was still worth it.

I love my ipod-listen to it in the car, on walks, in the house. I love having all my music easily accessible to me.

6. Are you addicted to the internet? How long are you on? What are you on for? work? social? research? news? all?
I am not addicted to the internet. Although recently I have spent more time on it then I used to. I don’t really even know how long I’m usually on. I mostly use it to keep up with blogs, shopping, the occasional research when I’m interested in something.

Kyle’s business is going very well, in fact we just hired our first employee. We are very excited about the growth, but with growth comes growing pains. We are in the process of figuring out all the details.

Our house is coming along-they finished putting up the brick yesterday and will put the insulation in this week. We are still on target for it to be done by August-just in time for baby’s arrival. It’s fun to build a custom home, but there are a lot of decisions to be made every step of the way.

I am loving being pregnant-baby is growing, and is reminding me that she is there quite often. It is the most amazing feeling inside-one that I have longed for a very long time. It is a true joy! So her name is (drumroll please…..) Savannah Grace! God’s grace has been an open plain for us and continues to be-which is what her name means. We’ve come up with several other names that we like, but we feel like this is her name.

I’ve been working on the registry stuff, and I’m close to being done. I’ve decided to register at Babies R’Us and Amazon.com I figure between the two I can find just about anything. I finally picked out the crib-which was harder for me than I thought, but I’m excited about the choice. Whenever I get it and get the room ready (which won’t be until the house is done) I will post some pics of the nursery.

We are living in a house that is on the market. We hope that it sells quickly (for my dad’s sake). It’s always fun trying to keep a house in a constant state of “ready to be shown in a moments notice”. The house itself is a true blessing though. It’s more house than I think I ever want, but for the 3-4 rooms that we use, it is nice to stretch out and I get to sleep in my bed!

The most exciting thing going in our life is this in a nutshell–Britt’knee and Elizabeth.

So if you haven’t heard about Britt’knee and Elizabeth I will try to give you a quick run down. Last November we started looking into the adoption process, which included a home study and looking into adoption agencies. Then a girl in our church contacted us about Britt’knee. She is an 18 year old girl that has a 3 year old girl named Elizabeth. Britt’knee was looking for someone to take care of her daughter, because she (Britt’knee) has leukemia and was given a very poor prognosis. When we heard the story, we immediately responded with a “yes” we will take her. Then for weeks we heard nothing. In the meantime, we got pregnant and made plans to move to Nashville. On the day our house sold, we received a call that Britt’knee was ready to talk again. We called her and then followed several e-mail conversations with no concrete time frame as to when we would meet. Then in the middle of March, Kyle and I drove down and spent the day with Britt’knee. Since then we talk to her almost everyday, and she has agreed to move in with us with her daughter as soon as school is over (which is May 22). So what does that mean? Our life is about to turn upside down! Taking in a 3 year old and her mother sounds crazy, but for some reason (it must be God) I am excited and peaceful about it. There are so many questions and uncertainties about what this is going to look like-when I think about them or when people bring them up, the only answer I have is “I don’t know” but I am learning to trust. God reminded me today that His grace is sufficient, and it will be for us too. God has brought us to this place, and He is not going to leave me hanging. Will it be hard? Absolutely, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but will it be worth it? Absolutely. We are looking forward to welcoming Britt’knee and Elizabeth into our family.