Day 1

Posted on 31. Oct, 2005 by in Miscellaneous

Well usually I’m pretty private about things that I consider pretty private, but I realize that maybe this process that God is having me walk through might be better served if it is logged and even shared. So here it is: Day 1 of a round of infertility.

I used to be only inconvenienced by “that time of the month”. Then I went through a time when I was disappointed, and lately it’s been just flat out discouraging. For so long I’ve been believing and having faith that we would just get pregnant through natural means. I feel like I’ve waited and prayed so many times, and now I’ve come to the conclusion that we must need some amazing intervention to get pregnant.

So today-I was strangely excited to start this round. I have waited for the past 3 months to get more settled into my new job, and have hoped that we would just get pregnant-and I’m getting tired of waiting. I want a baby! So I’ve made a plan to do artificial insemination this round-and this time actual get it into the uterus! (Our first round of IUI (intrauterine insemination) last June the doctor wasn’t able to get into my uterus). So I feel hopeful-why? because I feel like I have a plan and I’m doing something. The past few weeks have been emotionally difficult for me, and during a breakdown last Saturday with my husband, I realized that the underlying theme is this process of trying to get pregnant. I know that sometimes I don’t even let myself go to that place of feeling the grief of this process, out of fear that I wouldn’t be able to get out of it. I KNOW God has a baby for me, and I’m more than ready to do whatever it takes.

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