I feel inadequate. There are times in life that I feel on top of the world, and then there are times like right now when I feel inadequate, criticized, and just not enough. I feel like I try really hard to do the things I’m supposed to do. Simple things become so complicated. For instance, buying groceries is not just a trip to the store. You have to plan your meals, make your list, and don’t forget to clip coupons, oh and be sure to be environmentally conscious and bring your reusable bags, all the while toting around 2 small kids that may or may not want to be there. It’s exhausting just thinking about it! This “things to do” list is never ending, so I won’t even attempt to type one out.
Sometimes it just feels like there isn’t enough of me to go around, or maybe there just isn’t enough hours in a day, or maybe I just don’t have the energy to be superwoman. Either way, something falls short. In all of this, I recognize that I’m selfish with my time. I know I could be more efficient and more organized, and maybe it is times like this that motivate me to be just that–more than I already am. I want to be the mom and wife that takes care of everything and does it well. I know that my lack of organization annoys my husband and to some degree it baffles me as well. I’m typically an organized person, but lately it just hasn’t been high on the priority list.
I will admit it, I want to be superwoman. You know who I am talking about. The woman that has it all together, the one who manages her household, raises her kids, takes care of herself, and doesn’t even seem to bat an eye doing it. I try to be that woman, but in the end, no such woman exists. There may be women that look like they are superwoman, but they too fall short from such a title. So I’m left trying to be me. The ‘me’ that knows there is always room for improvement, but is trying desperately to find peace and contentment with who God made me to be. It is such a process of finding out just who that ‘me’ is though. I used to think I knew myself pretty well, but I really knew the ‘me’ that I wanted to be, not the original ‘me’. I knew the ‘me’ that I wanted others to see. Now in my thirties, I’m becoming more and more content discovering the ‘me’ that God made….inadequacies and all.
P.S. Note to self—Don’t forget to work out, read your bible, and FLOSS. Kristy you have to take care of yourself!