On the other side of infertility….or so I thought.

Posted on 06. Mar, 2010 by in Being Mom

After struggling with infertility for so many years, when I finally held my baby girl, one thing became evident.  The struggle was well worth it.  However, in the midst of the struggle, I wrestled with uncertainty, doubt, and fear. I knew I was going to be a mom, but I didn’t know how and when.   I was willing to go to the ends of the earth (or the other side of it at least) to get my baby, if that was the plan God had for me.  My heart ached to be a mom and it ached for my baby. Now on the other side of our struggle with infertility, I am a mom.  I am blessed beyond words, and I know it.

In the midst of the struggle, I remember thinking…”if my child were here right now and I had to do whatever it took to keep them alive, then I would do it without question, so why is this any different?”  I believed that I was  fighting for their life, before it even began.  Now every time I look into those blue eyes, or feel the little tug of my pantleg, or get a request for a “hug” or to “hold you”, I am so thankful that God gave me that perspective.

I keep a running prayer log of people that I know that are in that same fight.  It is such a joy when I get to mark them off of my list…because it means that they have welcomed a child into their family.  Although now, I’ve had to put some of those friends back on the list.  They are moms already, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still contending for a child, another one. When God places a desire for a child in your heart, it is very real—whether it’s the first, third, or fifth.  So don’t say to someone, “well at least they have so and so (referring to their first child).  Although they may not be battling for their identity as a parent, they are contending for life and for their family.

The way in which a family has to fight doesn’t matter either.  The struggle is still real. I’ve seen adoptions fail or simply not come through, and the emotions are so similar to that of infertility.  You feel loss and uncertainty, and yet you cling to hope believing for that next member of the family.  It was always frustrating to me when people would flippantly say “Oh why don’t you just adopt?”  I always wanted to respond. “Really?  Because it’s that easy?” I was always open to adoption, but the process of adoption is far from clear, nor is it certain.  You have no more guarantee of getting a child through adoption than you do with trying to conceive one.  Sure agencies can give you a guarantee, but they can’t guarantee a child without a wait or  heartache.  But if your emotions can handle it, then most of the time adoption does work out.

This past week, two of my friends had miscarriages, and one of my friends admitted hopelessness after waiting for years for her adopted child — my heart aches for them. They ache for a child.  God has given them a desire, and they are answering the call to contend and believe for that child.

We all have our struggles, whether it be finances, food, infertility etc,—regardless of the battle, we cannot give up! Just as we win one battle, another one is on the horizon.  Don’t stop fighting and don’t give up hope.  You may need to rest or even take a break, but don’t give up.  In the end, it is well worth it.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tags:

10 Responses to “On the other side of infertility….or so I thought.”

  1. Kyle Chowning

    06. Mar, 2010

    Great wisdom babe. This is one of those posts that could really help people who don’t really know or understand infertility, how to approach it with people who are going through it.

    Reply to this comment
  2. Adrienne

    06. Mar, 2010

    I’m so sorry for your friends – on the other side of infertility makes the ache for others that much more present. I know they’re fortunate to have you on their team.

    For us, infertility was a kind of undercurrent – not something you could necessarily see from the water’s surface, but something we were paddling hard against in the tread of every day life. With every month that passes, with every new cycle of wait or elevated treatment, the current pulled a little harder. The support of others who’ve been there is a graceful reprieve!

    Reply to this comment
  3. Jim Cowart

    07. Mar, 2010

    Great post Kristy! Your wisdom and compassion is definitely evident….

    Reply to this comment
  4. Shannon

    07. Mar, 2010

    Please add me to your list. I miscarried
    my precious Wesley in December at 11
    weeks making that my 3rd loss in 6 months.
    I am 5 weeks pregnant again and we are
    begging God to meet this precious soul here on
    earth. The infertility battle has been the
    toughest thing I have braved on earth but
    I cannot wish it away because God has
    used it most powerfully in my sanctification.

    Reply to this comment
  5. anna

    08. Mar, 2010

    what a wonderful post. i know i’ve been so blessed personally by your experience and wisdom! while our stories are a tad different, it’s such a blessing to know others who’ve walked this road and continue to walk it with others! thank you for sharing your heart!

    Reply to this comment
  6. caroline

    08. Mar, 2010

    You are a wise, strong and encouraging woman, Kristy. For my friends that are struggling with infertitily, I use you as a testimony! Awesome.

    Reply to this comment
  7. Anne-Marie

    08. Mar, 2010

    This is really awesome…I can relate.

    Reply to this comment
  8. Traci Jenkins

    20. Mar, 2010

    Tara and I just had this conversation a few weeks ago plus I have been walking along side a dear friend of mine for the past 2 years who has been dealing with infertility. I don’t think I can ever look at a pregnancy or Landon the same. The hurt and grief is something I can only imagine…..thanks for posting this

    Reply to this comment
  9. Mabel

    28. Jun, 2010

    Nice sharing your story. I have struggled with infertility my self, but you see the moment a child is born, it is always well worth it. you just cant put a price to that feeling… I have 3 children of my own now…Thank God

    Reply to this comment
  10. Paulette Lott

    24. Dec, 2010

    Great wisdom babe. This is one of those posts that could really help people who don’t really know or understand infertility, how to approach it with people who are going through it.

    Reply to this comment

Leave a Reply