This past weekend has been quite challenging. I found out on Saturday that my grandmother passed away. Unfortunately she lived in Arkansas, and they had a horrible icestorm over the weekend. Not to mention that my first day on the job was today. My dad called me and basically said “don’t come”! Well this brings quite a dilemma. Go-and be there for my grandmother’s funeral and miss my first day on the job, or stay-accepting my father’s request and miss her funeral. Then add on the fact that I really wasn’t very close to her. Because of the timing of it all, I had to make the decision with very little time to really think about it. After many tears and advice, I decided to not go.
Then came the struggle. It has been a two day battle mentally and emotionally. The decision was made, and it was too late to change my mind. I had to come to peace with the fact that I wasn’t going to be there. It all came down to wanting to be there to honor my dad and his heritage. My dad is the kind of man who always puts others first, especially his girls. Because of this, you never really know what he needs or what he wants. I had to trust him that if he wanted me there he would have given me some indication, and I would have been there in a heartbeat.
So last night I was really struggling with this decision that I had made- I felt like I was missing the mark as a granddaughter and as a daughter. The Lord so clearly revealed to me that if God is the mark, then I can never miss it. Sometimes we are forced to make decisions without really getting a chance to ask the Lord and wait for His response. These are the times that we have to trust the Spirit in us, to guide us, and with that we will never go wrong.
My first day on the job was good. A bit overwhelming, not as welcoming as I would have liked, but I survived. I’m truly trying to just take it one day at a time, so maybe tomorrow I will tell you a little bit more about the job.
Today-I want to honor my grandmother, Eva Kitchell, although I couldn’t be there today, I was there in heart. The woman who raised the best dad in the world is now with our Heavenly Father. She is healed, she is whole, and she will be loved and missed.