Well, as you may have read in my last post I have been feeling like I needed to make a job change, and have been in the process of pursuing other opportunities. The doctor I have been working with has been increasingly more difficult, and was consistently yelling at me for asking questions. Well yesterday after work, he pulled me into his office and fired me effective immediately. He said that I had the knowledge base and communication skills, but I lacked the confidence. He said that he wasn’t in a position that could allow for my learning needs. Then came the moment that you have that pivotal decision-tell him how you really feel or be gracious and professional? I chose the latter, because I know that nothing would come from me telling him my feelings or opinion. I said that I understood, and I thanked him for the opportunity. I stood up to leave and went to shake his hand, and without even looking my way he just walked off.
I packed all my stuff up, said goodbye to the only employee left in the office, and I asked her to tell the other employees that I enjoyed working with them. She was in shock, and I was just wanting to get out of there. Of course, the initial sting is painful. No one likes to get fired, especially the first time. The further away from the office I went the more clear and peaceful the whole thing became.
If I wanted to blame anyone, I could probably blame my mom. She has been praying that I would get out of there, and that he would even fire me. If I would have given my notice, by my contract I was required to give 60 days notice. So God has truly delivered me from this situation, and I know that my mom’s prayers and mine have been answered.
God reminded me that He always has a plan, and to just trust Him. Thirty minutes before he fired me, the physician that I have been talking to about working for called and asked if I could shadow him for a day and see if it was a good fit. At the time, I couldn’t commit to a day, because I work 5 days a week. So he asked me to call him on Monday when I figured something out. Well now-I’ve got the whole week! God truly does work in mysterious ways. I don’t know if this is where I will end up working, but I do think God was reminding me that it is going to be alright.
At first I felt like this was in someway a reflection on my abilities as a nurse practitioner, but I know that I do a good job. I don’t have all the answers, but it’s unrealistic to expect me to know everything only 6 months into it. Bottom line, it’s a financial move for him. He can hire an experienced nurse practitiioner with a patient base, as opposed to holding onto me, a new grad who apparently asks too many questions, and who is trying to have a family. The reality is he never took the time to really teach me or listen to my questions and concerns and give me the confidence that I was asking for. I recognized that, and so I was trying to get out while I could. He just beat me to it.
Going through this, I realized the most painful part is feeling misunderstood. I don’t worry so much about what he thinks, but I hate to think that my patients and co-workers will never really know why I’m not there anymore. Sometimes in life God asks us to be misunderstood, and I hate it, but I know that I have to just let it go and move on.
So life truly is changing. I don’t know what is next, but I know that I’m going to enjoy the time I have been given and trust Him to provide.